Difference between dating a white man and black man

03-Sep-2016 08:02

“Insecure,” “defensive” or maybe “counterproductive” would be more fitting.

Here’s what’s insecure about it: You’re making extreme and quick generalizations about the nonblack guy’s outlook on black women—mainly that his interest in you must be some sort of Hottentot Venus fetish or something.

In your outlook, you’re doing the very same thing that you’re accusing people of doing to you. Many men don’t have that same “loyalty”—or “hang-up,” depending on how you look at it.

To be fair, I have to acknowledge that there are nonblack men who hold weird beliefs about black women. Recently on Madame Noire, a black woman wrote, “Are You the Type of Black Girl That White Guys Like? She regularly encountered white guys who gave her backhanded compliments that revealed some unflattering stereotypes they held about black women.

These guys thought that saying “You’re not loud,” “You enjoy working out,” “You’re educated” and “You’re not a ‘baby mama’” would be flattering to her.

“When guys from other races approach me or seem to express interest, I feel like I am their cultural project and quickly shut it down. “Odd” implies that it’s out of the ordinary, but I’ve heard this reaction from some black women toward nonblack men several times.

They don’t say anything offensive, but I wonder why they want a ‘sistah’ when they have not ventured over to this side before—or seem to have not to. “Odd” isn’t the right word to describe your reaction.

Unfortunately, the writer didn’t say whether or not that made her balk.

And you can encounter it in all different colors of men, including the ones who share your hue.

Avoid ignorance at all costs, but you can’t assume that a guy is ignorant just because he’s white, any more than a white guy should assume that a black guy is a thug just because he’s black. In general, women across the board are less likely to date men of different races.

We’ve heard from so many sources—including many black men—in so many different ways that black isn’t beautiful or worthy of respect or that there’s only one “type” of black that is.

It’s unfortunate that folks buy into the racist hype.

But there are other ways of looking at this same scenario.

And you can encounter it in all different colors of men, including the ones who share your hue.

Avoid ignorance at all costs, but you can’t assume that a guy is ignorant just because he’s white, any more than a white guy should assume that a black guy is a thug just because he’s black. In general, women across the board are less likely to date men of different races.

We’ve heard from so many sources—including many black men—in so many different ways that black isn’t beautiful or worthy of respect or that there’s only one “type” of black that is.

It’s unfortunate that folks buy into the racist hype.

But there are other ways of looking at this same scenario.

There are other black women who would hear that a white guy is interested and think, “Of course he is. Black is beautiful.” They would take a chance on the guy you’ve “quickly” dismissed to see what, if anything, he has to say that might be interesting. Sometimes we can’t wrap our heads around the idea that anyone would want a black woman.